Bob’s Burgers – Not That Evil

Bob’s Burgers – Not That Evil Lyrics

Artist: Bob’s Burgers
Song: Not That Evil

Diarrhea’s coming back
My family’s under attack
It’s not so great, i do agree
I also got a bad wedgie

Thought i could prove i’m not a baby
But now all of us need saving
Dropped my hopes into the ocean
Sorry if a fish is choking

Sure a lot is happening
But i wish i brought my napkin thing
It might of helped to calm us down
Everybody hush, don’t make a sound

But why are you doing all of this?
Okay, good question. i’ll allow it
Look, i’m not that evil, no
I’m not a bad person

So, i killed one carnie
Well it’s just ’cause i’m determined
To finally get what i think that i’m deservin’
And to turn it into something worthy

Trust me, i’m sure that you will agree
Would you like to hear my master plan?
Okay, can you answer faster ’cause i asked you
Would you like to hear my master plan?

Um, yes
Okay that’s more like it
I’m so glad that you asked
You see, i’m in the fischoeder family trust, because i’m in the family. well, barely

He’s from the bad part of the family
He means the poor part
They’re bad because they’re poor
Shut it!

Shut your front door
Okay, okay
Yeah
I said okay

So, in this family trust, you see, you’re ineligible to receive benefits if you’ve been convicted of a felony
And every single one of them has been
All except for cousin calvin, because he never got caught
Yeah, baby

Shush!
〈spoken: grover, calvin, felixso, i frame him, and boom
Now, if something unfortunate happens to calvin and felix, whom will they suspect?
Not me, no, no, no

Why would they?
Something unfortunate is going to happen to us?
Uh, yes. surprise
Oh, poo

Wait, both of us?
Yeah, sorry
You were so insistent about going with your brother to cuba…
I bought an outfit

Yes, we know
But let’s just say your submarine isn’t going to go to cuba
Oh. cancun?
It won’t make it out from under the pier

Oh, my
Oh, dear
Did you think that sub was gonna make it to cuba?
Hmm, i think we might have gotten a little too excited about the sub idea

I mean, isn’t it just an old ride?
Yes, it runs on tokens
But not the best frame job, right?
I mean, why bury cotton candy dan in front of our restaurant and then wait six years?

Huh
Right
I didn’t bury him in front of your restaurant
And i didn’t wanna wait six years

Six years!
Easy, easy
Maybe we should hold off on the questions
I had it all worked out

A top-rate murder
I shoot mr. carnie with calvin’s gun
I stick him in a pile of dirt, or whatever yucky stuff was near the entrance to the wharf
I leave the stupid foot sticking out, so someone would be sure to see it

But little did i know that some numbskull backhoe operator working for the city was gonna scoop up that pile without even checking for dead carnies
I come back, i’ve got no body
I didn’t know where they’d brought the dirt
And it’s not like i could go around asking

“hey, what’s the word? did anyone find any dead guys? this tall? kind of a biter?”
It was a nightmare
But thankfully, blessedly, your stupid pipe burst and saved the day. the skeleton was found, frame job back on, and it’s true what they say, good things happen to good people
Wait a second

Is this all about your silly mega-park idea?
Yes
Mm-hmm
This is about my mega-park

My much more efficient and profitable
Than your stupid pier
Mega-park
It’ll have gift shops

Oh
So many gift shops
I love gift shops
And so much parking

Lin!
And i’ll get the best marketers
To do the best marketing
And indoor motion simulator rides

If you could see my scale models
Then you’d understand why cotton candy dan
Had to die
It’s gonna be so worth it

Okay
Because business dreams are about business
They’re not about dreams
That’s not true.

All right then
I think i got it figured out
I think that this is what i need
You’re gonna all get in the sub

And then i’ll launch you in the sea
No, no, i don’t think that’s right
No, that’s right
You won’t be able to get out

The handle’s broken from inside
Then the pier will be on fire
What?
Well, you caused it, then you died

Oh, that’s so careless of us
Yeah, what they’ll say is this
Metal wheels on metal tracks
Will cause a spark, a little flare

Whoops, the drapes, they catch on fire
And it just gets worse from there
Up it goes into the molehill
Which now seems to be quite full

Of cute and fluffy, very burny
Flammable stuffed animals
〈spoken: felix, calvin
So, they don’t come to life?

I guess not
〈spoken: grover, gene, bob
And then the molehill turns into mole hell
That’s what we call dad’s back

We do?
Oh, oh-oh
I have so many problems with this plan
Like what?

People on the pier? gone
I’m closing early. what else?
You would burn in the fire, too?
Nope. i made a fuse out of cooking oil, sugar and balloon string

All things you’d find in an amus#ment pier
It’s gonna go up the stairs, over the roof of this stupid room
And arson investigators will never suspect a thing
My fuse and my brilliant flammable stuffed animals idea gives me just enough time to get back to the gym, which is my alibi

I went there just an hour ago
I said the steam room was too steamy
I made a pretty damn big show
Then i slipped out the window

And that’s how i got here now
I just sneak back in through the window
And boom, i’ve been at the gym three hours
〈spoken: gene, calvin, felixi don’t know if you have three hour gym body

Sorry
Yeah, it’s not believable
No, you’re too pasty
Also, your mega-park is mega-dumb

And so are you
I want to amend my earlier statement
Here we go
I’m not that evil

But i’m feeling evil today
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Bob’s Burgers Lyrics – Not That Evil

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Release Year: 2023